Sorry. But I Miss You.

I’ve ummed and ahhed over this post all week.

I’ve begun writing it several times… then each time read back the first paragraph, and thought it made me sound like a bit of a soppy dick to be honest. So I’ve kept deleting it.

But then it occurred to me that not every post on here has to be me banging on my excessive motherhood-related-gin-tolerance. Or finding ways to keep using the phrase ‘flappy-fanjo’ because it makes me snigger… *sniggers* No. Some of it can be a little deeper. A little less funny. A little more raw. (…although it’ll undoubtedly still end in gin… Obviously.)

The truth is my baby-girl started school nearly four weeks ago.

And I miss her.

I don’t mean I’m unhappy, or spending my days moping around wailing ‘Where did my baby go?!’ into a large tub of Quality Street in my dressing gown whilst downing Pinot Grigio. No… I leave those kind of activities until after 5pm at least…

But seriously. She loves school. I love her going to school. I just miss hanging out with her some days.

I miss thinking – fuck it. Let’s skive off nursery this morning because we just fancy sitting in bed watching telly for the first hour of the day. I miss not rushing through breakfast each morning because I’m useless at organising myself and spend the entire morning asking her to hurry up/get dressed faster/eat quicker/drink quicker/POO FASTER. JUST BLOODY POO FASTER. I HAVEN’T GOT TIME FOR YOU TO MAKE UP A NEW AVANT-GARDE VERSE OF WHEELS ON THE BUS COMPLETE WITH JAZZY-BUM-WIGGLE WHILST SAT ON THE TOILET – WE HAVE 4 MINUTES TO GET TO SCHOOL FOR F@**%$£’S SAKE.

I miss her having her hair down… She looks so different without her curls falling round her face. I miss seeing her with her friends each week. I miss watching her play. I miss asking what she fancies doing each day and making a little plan together. Her brother misses her. He looks for her and says her name and points at other little girls in the street. It makes me feel a bit weepy. And start thinking about that tub of Quality Street as my ovaries start whirring again…

I miss knowing what she’s up to all day?! I do ask her… who she’s played with with… what she’s done… But by 4pm when we get home she’s exhausted. She doesn’t want to talk about it. She mostly just wants to give me attitude and ask me for snack every 12 seconds or so until dinner is ready…

I know this is the new normal. I know it’s time to suck it up and get on with it. And enjoy some time with just my boy. I just feel a bit empty. A little bit lost. And slightly like the last four years and nine months has passed by and I’ve spent too much of it a bit too knackered and not paid attention to it all properly…

Obviously all this will last until approximately 72hrs into half term next month when I’ll be googling ‘half-term clubs’, wondering where all the loo-roll’s gone and wondering how on earth she can be HUNGRY. AGAIN.

But until then…

‘Sorry. But I miss you.’

*has some wine*

 

p.s If you fancy voting for ‘Just a Normal Mummy’ as Best Comic Writer in this year’s Mumsnet Blog Awards I’d be so grateful! Just follow this link – takes a few seconds I promise 😉 http://www.mumsnet.com/events/blogging-awards/2016/best-comic-writer 

11 Comments

  1. Amy September 29, 2016
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    • Wally Mummy October 1, 2016
  3. Kimberly September 30, 2016
  4. Chris September 30, 2016
    • Wally Mummy October 1, 2016
  5. lucy October 4, 2016
  6. Tales from the Dad Side October 13, 2016

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