1. Shiny hair, strong nails, glowing skin… are apparently things that happen in Narnia or Brazil or something, but whilst those bits appear to have ‘skipped you’ – you and your split ends/teenage skin do at least have the J-Lo bum and boobs you’ve always wanted. Touch me. 👊
2. Think of how many tampons you’ve saved.
3. No more sucking your gut in – breathe it out and be free sister.
4. If you don’t want to have sex – you just blame it on pregnancy. Who wants to hump an angry Walrus anyway?!
5. If you desperately need to have sex – you blame it on pregnancy. ANGRY WALRUSES NEED LOVE TOO.
6. Your local McDonald’s breakfast menu has never been so profitable. You’re basically a boost to the local economy. Well done.
7. Big pants have never been so awesome.
8. Naps. Of. Dreams.
9. Did I mention no periods… that’s really the main one. It’s almost worth it just for that tbh.
10. No-one bats an eyelid when you deep-throat a Toblerone for lunch. I’d say that’s a win however you look at it frankly…
11. Lady maintenance becomes a very low priority, not least because you can no longer see your own vagina anyway. Time to grow a fanny-forest, lock it down, throw away the vag-key and give no further f*cks about it for a few months.