Blog Post Archive

First toddler versus second toddler… the shit you REALLY need to know…

Sometimes it amazes me just how different my two children are… I don’t think that ‘I’m’ any different… I mean, I thought I did a pretty good job the first time… in fact, I thought I’d do better second time round as there’d be no surprises… no winging it… I’d be a pro… it’d be easy… yeah…? (Idiot.) I wasn’t. I’m not. It isn’t. Thinking I knew …

11 Things You Learn in Your First Year of #Toddler

You need to be able to run faster. (Much faster.) Pre-selecting your own shoes is always a mistake. You’ll learn that… You’ll learn… *twitches a bit and starts stroking some Uggs* Snack bribery and the iPhone are now your only parenting methods… You’re both happy and comfortable with this. You should NEVER have spent that much on a sofa. Your life is all about ‘throws’ now… …

Before and After: Christmas With a Toddler…

People say that you don’t know the ‘true meaning of Christmas’ until you have your own children… that having small children around makes it entirely magical… Which I honestly 100% agree with. Right up to the point my infant son bum-wee-d across my bed on Boxing Day morning and rolled in it… but other than that I’m TOTALLY with you… I’ve done a few ‘Toddler …

The Real Mummy’s Christmas List…

Now I’m on my 5th festive period as a parent… I’ve pretty much stopped thinking about myself at Christmas. My children are almost five and two, and since 1st December all I’ve done is rearrange all the baubles my toddler tries to feed to himself/my cats, eat my bodyweight in chocolate, and develop a tick every time I hear the word ‘Hatchimal’… But despite the fact …

Sorry. I was a Dick.

I’ve been thinking about how I was ‘before parenthood’ a lot lately… I’m not really sure why… Maybe because a lot of my friends are starting to have babies, or maybe because mine don’t seem to really be ‘babies’ anymore. No. With one having just started school, writing her name and singing nativity songs (oh yes… constantly… *twitches a bit*), and a small one who spends most days punching me …

Things You Should Know About Owning A Toddler… Again.

I admit it. I was complacent. I was smug. I thought to myself… I’ve done toddler. I’ve toddlered before. I know about toddlering. Second time round… I’ve got this toddler shit down. But. Oh how wrong I was… The truth is. My second toddler appears to have viewed his sister’s toddler days from the womb, like some kind of ‘toddler trial’, which needs to ‘bettered’. …

Parenting Hacks… Just A Normal Mummy Style

You know what. I’m just not one of those mums. You know what I mean… The ones who’ve actually got it together. That arrive places ‘on time’. With all the stuff they need. With lipgloss on. Without a hangover… It’s almost mystifying… I’m more of a… I don’t know what that stain on my left shoulder is, yes – this is a nursing top even though I stopped breastfeeding …

The 7 Phases of School Run Acceptance…

So hey. We’re now officially on week 4 of our first school year, and obviously total pros at this school-run thing now… But it’s been an ‘adjustment’ to say the least. Here’s my 7 Phases of School Run Acceptance for you all to laugh/cry/nod along/drink to…   1. Week 1, Day 1: Oh God… my baby’s off to school… I can’t believe this day has arrived… every time …