Believe me, this was not my plan…
No matter how much I rub and squirt,
The lotion’s just repelled by her perma-dirt.
I put on a t-shirt, she rips it off,
Along with her nappy right down to her crocs.
She’s like a naked turdy missile seeking the sun,
The only thing that’s white is her little toddler bum.
Hats are a universal toddler conspiracy,
Sent by the Parenting Gods, just to to take the piss out of me.
I’ve tried caps, velcro straps, even a bastard panama…
She only keeps one on when she’s posing for a shitting camera.
I douse her in ’50’, I don’t miss a spot,
But I’ve still ended up with a teak-coloured tot.
I should be upset, but all I can do is whine…
Now her bloody tan lines are better than mine!
So shit. The toddlers got a tan.
I admit I’m the world’s worst SPF-wingman.
‘I am the twatty failure of an angry lotion monitor’,
And I’d literally tear out a kidney for a large gin and tonica.
#toddlertan
#tonica
p.s. Crazily enough, my little blog has been nominated for two awards! If you’ve got a few seconds to vote for Just a Normal Mummy I’d be so grateful!
You can vote for me in’Best Family Blog’ (category 13) here:
https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/BiBs2016Shortlist
….and… ‘Best Preschool Blog’ (3rd down) here:
http://www.tots100.co.uk/vote-in-the-2016-mad-blog-awards/
Thank you! xx
I love this! It's hilarious!!! xx
*sniggers* thanks love xx
Haha! This is fantastic, don't worry though as long as she's not burnt
ha – she's nice and folder like a little turkey :)) lol x
Hahha that's brilliant!! X
ha! Thank you lovely xx
Ha ha ha ha absolutely brilliant x
cheers misses :)) x
Have shared this on my page but not before laughing at it several times!
aww x thanks lovely 😉 heehee xxx
Hahaha loved this!
cheers! xx
Hahaa mine looks like he's just rolled around in dirt a fair bit.
hahaha x that has helped to deepen the colour this end! lol x #toddlerdirt
Love it! Doing the (loco)lotion should be easy and straight forward…but as with everything, when it involves the kids it never is!
well indeed! Slippery little buggers 🙂
Come on your just jealous! 😉
P.s mine would never tan. Way too white but burn looks a million times worse! X
It's true… I am! lol x
Aw bless you – at least someone's happy 🙂
:))) she is a smiley little tanned one! x
Cheeky 😉
Always 😉
How do you get some of those words to rhyme? Genius! Really funny as always x x
hey – it just comes to me with the gin haze… lol x
Bahahaha this is fantastic! I'm sharing this on my Facebook page right now!
Haha x thank you! 😉 xxx
Love this! My little man has perma tan arms because he is constantly outside but I feel terrible as he has really obvious tan lines. I do put lotion on him, honestly! xx
Heehee x me too! She doesn't burn but she is distinctly golden! Lol xxx
Love it! Although I am now fearful of next summer!