Things you should know about owning a threenager…

  1. Firstly. You don’t own them, you have just made a really shitty investment that now answers you back and only eats pizza.
  2. Secondly. They know when you’ve put a supermarket own brand pizza in a Domino’s box… they know… and you will suffer…
  3. Threenagers don’t tantrum. Oh no. It’s far worse now… Every. Bastard. Thing. Is a serious negotiation… ‘I’m too scared to go to the park… I’m too small to walk any more… I’m too big to eat… my tummy hurts so I need to wear your shoes today.’ Urgh. #killme
  4. No matter how long they’ve been potty-trained, one wrong move and you will find a shit wrapped around a Barbie when you go through the toy box.
  5. But then there’s nothing that can’t be solved with a packet of Haribo and a pair of sparkly party shoes. For ten minutes or so. Then you’re really f@*ked.
  6. Yes. They can go to nursery every day this week dressed as Elsa. And they forgive you for being too stupid to initially realise this.
  7. You are now officially the ‘sharing police’. Count in one day how many times you tell your 3yr old it’s ‘nice to share’… If you put a quid in glass each time you will be able to buy Russia by September.
  8. No laughing at undesignated times.
  9. And absolutely NO SINGING OVER THE LET IT GO BIT IN FROZEN UNLESS YOU WANT TO LOSE HAIR, SKIN AND DIGNITY.
  10. They can use an iPhone better than you can.
  11. And there can never be too many half-face selfies. Ever.
  12. Planning on eating out…?! Don’t. It’s a trap… The iPad doesn’t work anymore… you better set aside some time to mourn this period of your life. You won’t be going to cafes/restaurants/out of your living room for playdates anymore.
  13. You can’t lie. They have now somehow developed photographic memories. So if you promised a biscuit to get them out of the playground, you better be Hobnobbed-up-to-the-shitting-max at home or you’ve definitely got a toy-box-turd coming your way…
  14. They know injuries mean attention. So you better hide all the knives.
  15. They’re really not ‘babies’ anymore… even though they’ll always be your baby… Just a ‘baby’ that can single handedly knock out an Alsatian and FaceTime themselves doing it at the same time.

 

#toyboxturds
#threenagers

 

8 Comments

  1. Angela Webster March 22, 2015
  2. Donna March 22, 2015
  3. Anonymous March 22, 2015
  4. Emma Lofthouse-Burch March 22, 2015
  5. SarahMummy March 23, 2015
  6. Dave H March 24, 2015
  7. thetwodarlings.com March 24, 2015

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