3 Months Old… Basics According to the WallyBoy

Mummy,
I’m three months old now. We need to talk.
It’s time I laid out a few baby-basics, just to save the two of us any
further embarrassment and all that…

First things first…
that wasn’t just a fart.
Secondly. It never
is… You should really know that by now anyway. Dressing me in white is
just tempting fate lady.
When I work out how
to get out of these scratch mitts… I will go straight for your eyes.
Dressing me up as a
Christmas Pudding on Boxing Day was both tasteless and humiliating. See
point above.
Do you actually enjoy neck-brie…?! Wipe me. Or face the hug-related cheesy-hair
consequences.
Jeeeez. Yes. I can smile… get f@*king over it already.
Although, that wasn’t a
smile. You’re gonna need to use Vanish on that.
No matter how many
neon toys you jingle around my face, it still won’t make any difference as
I CAN’T SEE BASTARD COLOURS YET YOU MENTAL WENCH.
Thanks for that
hour-long 3am feed. Now here’s 45 minutes worth back across your shoulder.
You’re welcome.
Oh…? We’re going to
visit someone…? Well in that case I shall sleep the entire time including
the outward and return journey, and then the second we get home. BOOM.
I’ll be all up in your shit.
Every time you
remove my nappy I will wee. EVERY TIME. NO MATTER WHAT. Unless you’re
waiting for me to wee. Then I won’t. Out of principal.
I don’t actually
know why I’m crying but the fact that you don’t know is making me beside myself. Oh wait. It was boobs again.   
Seriously. You must
have enough photos now.
Oh and p.s. no-one
on facebook wants to f@*king see them either.

Until next time then…
WallyBoy xx
#ginnow

12 Comments

  1. Tas D March 29, 2015
  2. Alison Bloomer March 30, 2015
  3. Honest Mum March 30, 2015
  4. Californian Mum in London March 30, 2015
  5. Steph Douglas March 30, 2015
  6. brummymummyof2 March 30, 2015
  7. Suzanne W March 30, 2015
  8. The Brick Castle March 30, 2015
  9. emma lander March 30, 2015
  10. Maria Noel March 30, 2015
  11. Mandy September 25, 2015
    • Wally Mummy September 25, 2015

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