Playdates take a new turn once your children upgrade from toddlerhood… all of a sudden, instead of NCT meets and messy play groups (*shudders a bit*), you’re in the realm of the pre-school playdate… It’s new territory… With unknown mums, unknown children and people who probably bake…
So here’s my handy list of commandments for anyone hosting a pre-school playdate :
- Thou shall attempt not to host…
- Thou shalt actually hoover. And give a fairly convincing ‘I’ve got my shit together’ act by putting actual real-life coasters out. Like a real-life adult.
- Thou shalt provide good quality adult biscuits, ready to be enjoyed smugly with your coasters.
- Thou shalt provide healthy kids’ snacks… left casually around the place in some bowls you’ve only just remembered you own… (so they can ignore them in favour of Haribo, the adult biscuits, and some raisins they found underneath the radiator. Obvs.)
- Thou shalt leave all the nice, quiet, wooden toys at the forefront… So they can instantly bypass them, opting for glitter glue, a light-up Buzz Lightyear costume and an entire colony of Chubby-Bastard-Puppies.
- Thou shalt hide anything that makes noise or sings Let It Go…. Then burn it. Scoop up the ashes. Use your own spit to help form it into an aerodynamic shape. And fling it over a mother-f@*king rainbow.
- Thou shalt attempt to look relaxed and natural when they begin going a bit ‘Rambo’, leap all over your furniture, and create a den using sofa cushions, partly chewed melon skins and snot.
- Thou shalt expect 75 costume changes and a considerable portion of the playdate spent with pre-schoolers wearing only pants. And cat face-paint.
- Thou shalt not foolishly leave the face-paint in reaching distance, unless you’ve always wondered what your pets would look like if two 4-year-olds ‘blacked-them-up’.
- Once the playdate has ended, thou shalt mainly be turning the telly on and letting Paw Patrol work it magic while you get ready for a ruff-ruff-rescue of the Rioja variety.