If you want to make your toddler happy,
Then let them shit on your carpet once they’ve ripped off their nappy.
Let them stamp on your fanny and pull out your hair,
Let them eat porridge from a shoe and not f*@king care.
Let them have the bastard biro and colour-in your pets,
Let them lick other people’s children (while you pop to the vets…)
Let them steal your toast and wear their swim-poncho to the park,
Let them have their naked tea-parties while sitting in the dark.
Let them empty the kitchen cupboards and take the whisk to bed,
Let them have cheese for breakfast and wear an envelope on their head.
Let them think they’ve always won and totally mind-f@*ked Daddy…
Just let them get on with being them, coz that what makes us ALL happy.
this post may* have been written under the influence of gin
*definitely f@*king was