All hail the magical Jumperoo,
The mystical ring of neglect(-eroo).
The giver of time, the taker of stress,
The circumference of confinement that creates no mess.
It traps all the babies with its rainforest joys,
Fuck knows why I bothered with any other toys?!
It lets you sit down, use both hands, and pretend,
You’ve got your shit together, Jumperoo is your best friend.
Who cares if it takes up more space than your settee,
When you get to drink an ACTUAL REAL-LIFE HOT CUP OF TEA.
Yes, all hail the wonderful Jumperoo.
Respect it or fall victim to the Jumper-poo.
Love it and cherish your infant-restraining device,
Knowing the Jumperoo SAVED YOUR LIFE.