A WallyBubba Post:
Defend your hula-hoop TO THE DEATH.
Pretend not to understand anyone… Then do the exact opposite of what you’re told to… Then take a poo on the trampoline.
No matter what Mummy says, you definitely can fit more than one toddler in a Fisher Price Cosy Coupe. My personal record is four. *smug face*
If you’ve licked it, it’s yours.
If you’ve farted on it, it’s Mummy’s. (Try not to follow through – you’ll need that for the trampoline.)
Never go through the tunnel. It’s a trap.
Push all other toddlers over violently. Just because you can.
Stand still for a long time, then run suddenly in a random direction for no reason. Just because you can.
There’s no activity* that can’t be done whilst eating a banana. (*Applies to life.)
Also. Just for today change the way you eat bananas. Skin first.
At any point you could have that shaky egg taken away from you. To avoid this happening don’t let ANYONE get within 3 metres of you whilst shaking it.
Note to self: find out what metres are…
Play-group is the perfect time to practice drinking out of big-girl cups. Mummy loves cleaning up your spills. She’d be bored otherwise. Plus Mummy said she was using the sippy cup for something called ‘gin’…?!
If you see/hear another toddler crying, this is your cue to join in as loudly and dramatically as you can.
Shoes will only be removed for biscuits.
Clothes will only be replaced for biscuits.
Don’t follow the teacher… Follow the mind goblins inside your ears who tell you to lick radiators…
For every £3 you give the teacher, take £1 back when they’re not looking… soon you’ll have enough for a pony… And your own iPhone…
There are many balls, but there’s only one ‘special’ ball. You all know which one it is… No other ball will do… Use teeth if necessary. Reward yourself with a banana.
If they can’t get you back in the pushchair… you don’t have to leave… EVER.
Unless bribed with biscuits. Obviously.