I don’t want to call it a fanny.
Or flower, or snowflake, or loulou,
Not minky, or mooky, or coochie, or twinkle,
And certainly not an F-ing fru-fru.
I’ll never refer to it as a beaver,
A minge, or a flange, or VaJayJay.
Furry cups, axe wounds and front-facing bottoms,
Are not gonna be what I say say.
There’ll be no talk of muffs in this household.
Nor clam burgers, beardy oysters or clunge.
All the chuff, and the clout, the gash and the flaps,
I’ll be doing my best to expunge.
Honesty is not a lady-box policy,
Just using the truth will be kinder.
So when my little girl asks me,
I’m gonna call it a god damn VAGINA.*
*when she’s 30 and I allow her out for the first time that is.