I hate lifts. And I hate that as a person permanently
attached to a pram handle I have no choice but to use them on a daily basis.
But the one thing I hate more than lifts is the people who use them for
absolutely no reason??? Perfectly able-bodied, fit, healthy, free-handed, childless,
upright idiots for whom stairs are no issue whatsoever, yet who seem to LOVE
lift travel so much they are happy to cause seven-buggy-deep tailbacks at the
only two-person lift in Debenhams.
Molly Dolly into the tiny mirrored box of doom which takes us to the Promised
Land above ground level, but you… you are able to run freely between the
aisles and race idly from floor to floor, squeeze through impossible gaps and
change direction at the drop of a hat. Why do you not take advantage of this gift
and dance the dance of stair-stepping joy? Why don’t you get the hint as I
stand behind you tutting and issuing a series of particularly stabby
demand in confined spaces. The sort of farts you can actually taste…