Wally Mummy Archive

Jubileaks

Whilst attending our road’s Diamond Jubilee street party earlier today, my daughter decided to publicly demonstrate her distain at being dressed in head-to-toe Union Jack with matching hat. To ensure we all knew just how displeased she truly was, she pushed out a poo of truly epic proportions which managed to breach both the leg and waist nappy borders simultaneously meaning she literally had a …

Friday Fun, Frolix and Flatpack

Why does everything I buy for my child require a degree in engineering to assemble it? Did I miss the NCT session where they advised having a ready-charged electric screwdriver to hand at all times and learning how to read instructions in 14 different languages? Perhaps the people who manufacture baby goods think that new mothers secretly have hours of spare time every day along …

Realising the green fingered dream…

Referencing my previous post (dated 8th May) in which you may have noticed the distinctly ‘indoor’ and ‘still packaged’ nature of my grow your own efforts… check out my little allotment now… in your FACE non-believers.   So OK – the veg may have been planted the day before we went on holiday, by my husband, while I was drunk, and then been looked after by the …

MNO

The MNO or ‘mum’s night out’ is a rare and valuable occasion where ordinary mums adopt a pack mentality to descend upon unsuspecting drinking venues. The MNOMs (Mum’s Night Out Mums) can be easily recognised by the traditional MNO attire/behaviour: Slightly dusty handbag which has not seen an outing since the introduction of the all encompassing change bag (the MNOM’s staple day time attire). Excessive …

Splishy-Splashy

“I may not be big enough to pull myself out of here yet, but believe me when I say you will suffer for this.  “In case I encountered a situation just as this, I’ve been secretly nibbling my left thumb nail into a tiny ninja claw. Let’s see who likes splishy-splashy when I scrape it across your sunburn during bath time tonight.”

Cretan Dream Turned Greek Tragedy

Soooooo… the holiday came… and went… and as I write I am trying to block most of it from my memory (just like childbirth) (and pregnancy) (and parenthood). It would be fair to say it was an experience of highs and lows. Let me break it down for you… Day 1: Baby slept on the plane – bonus – but then so did husband – …

Pampers or Ouzo?

Apparently this is how much stuff a 5-month old baby girl needs to go to Greece for a week. This is even the scaled down version… Minus her shoes… And hair accessories… And mummy’s clothes… And everything of Daddy’s… And possibly Daddy if he frigging complains one more time… #startingtopanicnow

Mummy punishment

The only thing worse than childbirth is being hungover in charge of a baby. As if starting my day at 5.30am after returning home at gone three wasn’t enough, my daughter has chosen today to work out how to scream. Yay. Each time she does it, it feels as if a piece of my brain is actually escaping through my left nostril. Combine that with …

Baby-weight busting bollocks

Am I the only new mum who just doesn’t feel the immediate pressure to lose my ‘baby-weight’ with varying new, exotic diet and exercise fads? I’m not saying I don’t want to one day be able to wear a bikini without looking like a pile of mashed potato tied up with string, but right now I just don’t need anything else to feel bad about. It …