We’re now officially on week 4 of our first school year, and obviously total pros at this school-run thing now… But it’s been an ‘adjustment’ to say the least.
Here’s my 7 Phases of School Run Acceptance for you all to laugh/cry/nod along/drink to…
1. Week 1, Day 1:
Oh God… my baby’s off to school… I can’t believe this day has arrived… every time I iron a tiny little label into a tiny little shirt my ovaries feel a bit weepy… last night I took a picture of her school shoes and put it on Facebook with a weepy/eyes-covered emoji… I’m so proud of her, but mainly proud of myself for not totally losing my shit at the school gates to be fair…
2. Week 1, Day 5:
Wow. So I’ve been school mum for an entire week… this still feels weird. But great. I’m totally bossing it. I don’t know what I was worried about…?! I’ve been on time. Every day. With a neat, well-fed, French-plaited 4-year old… I’m smug as f@*k. I feel like Jamie Oliver himself is probably going to crown me for my packed lunch efforts. I’m amazing. This is amazing. I’ve totally got this people. *mega fist pump*
3. Week 2, Day 1:
Hey. So pony tails are way better than plaits anyway right… Those little shirts don’t really need ironing anyway… they’re under a jumper anyhow?! And eating toast on the way to school on the buggy board is probably the most efficient way to get breakfast finished off anyway, yeah…?! I’m still totally all over this. Trying out the hot lunches isn’t a sign of defeat. It’s just sensible. And hey – who wants to be first in anyway. Timing your arrival as the bell goes is actually a skill you know. A SKILL. We’re still totally bossing it. (Kind of…) (*small fist pump*)
4. Week 2, Day 5:
I’m not sure I’m ready for this sort of commitment.
5. Week 3, Day 1:
Oh God the fear is setting in… not a panicked fear, like when you notice there’s a cucumber at the bottom of the fridge that’s turning itself into it’s own festering cucumber smoothie, and you know no matter how much you ‘hope’ your husband will notice and deal with it, he won’t. And you will have to actually touch it with your actual hands whilst trying not to gag. No. This is more of a deep, intense, underlying fear that this is seriously happening now. This is ‘it’. This is life. No more pyjama days on a Wednesday. No more bunking off nursery to watch princess films and go shopping. Nope. Time to have your shit together. Forever. THIS. IS. IT.
6. Week 3, Day 5:
I’M REALLY NOT READY FOR THIS SORT OF COMMITMENT.
7. Week 4:
SERIOUSLY IT’S MONDAY AGAIN?! We’re late! Get your shoes on! Where’s your lunch?! Where’s your coat? Where’s your brother? Get your shoes on now!!! No you can’t go for a poo. Ok. Go for a poo. But put your shoes on at the same time as pooing and eating your toast. We’ve got four minutes!! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PUT YOUR SHOES ON.
MUMMY MIGHT ACTUALLY GET ARRESTED IF YOU DONT PUT YOUR SHOES ON RIGHT NOW. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That’s it. I’m calling your teacher.
The deadline to vote for me in this year’s Mumsnet Blog Awards for BEST COMIC WRITER is tomorrow (closes midnight on 7th Oct) So….. If you fancy voting for ‘Just a Normal Mummy’ just follow this link – takes a few seconds I promise and I’d be so grateful! Thank you x 😉 http://www.mumsnet.com/events/blogging-awards/2016/best-comic-writer