There’s things that I miss from my life-before-mummy…
Like sleeping, and bladder-control, and a less scrotum-like tummy.
I miss wearing clothes without spanx underneath,
And not spending my evenings trying to brush a toddler’s bastard teeth.
I miss having breasts that stay up and round the front,
I miss getting drunk and acting like a total… *cough* runt…
I miss walking in high heels and being convincingly thin,
And not having a vagina that flaps in the wind.
I miss matching pants with actual ‘under-wired’ bras,
I miss leaving the house without Sophie the f@*king Giraffe.
I miss eating food in my own time while it’s hot.
Not one handed forking from the Noodle-of-the-Pot…
I miss using the sofa rather than sat on the floor,
I miss not having a buggy that doesn’t fit through ANY F@*KING DOOR.
I miss Saturday nights and their random gin-fuelled adventures,
And not living a secret life as a twatty nappy-price inspector.
Yes, there’s so much I miss from my life before kids,
There was less crying, less Weetabix and certainly less skids.
But this is my life with my baby boy and my girl,
And I wouldn’t f@*king change it for anything in the f@*king world.
(except maybe a lie-in…)