The WallyBoy’s here!
I say with a cheer,
But try not to cough, sneeze or laugh…
For second time round,
You daren’t make a sound,
In case your uterus falls out of your arse.
My little chap has arrived,
My vagina survived,
Though it won’t be winning contests for beauty.
With a full fanny-fro,
I can tie my labia in a bow,
But can confirm that it still did its duty.
The first days were tough,
I couldn’t be festive, I looked rough,
The toddler took a shit under the tree…
While I sat in my PJs,
No idea of the week days,
Terrified to fart, poo or wee.
My boobs feel like sandbags,
The size of bloody handbags,
My nips are actually bigger than his head.
I sit lubing up each tit,
From my crusty dressing-gown pit,
And they say; with two, the romance is dead…?
So hurrah for the WallyBoy,
Our little bundle of Christmas joy,
Let our life as a foursome begin.
Life might not be glam,
But it’s worth it for this tiny man,
Now someone pass me a goddamn super-sized gin.