Today was our first ever ballet lesson.
*contains mild toddler violence and tutu decimation
Arrive dressed as tombliboos.
Paint their face before class… And I’m not talking stars and hearts and shit, I’m talking full ‘Kiss’ make-up. Or Pin Head from Hellraiser… Or perhaps a badly drawn vagina on one cheek…
Teach them the ‘adult’ version of the Tinkerbell song.
Feed them a steak half way through.
Forget ballet pumps – steel toe caps are way more practical. And tappy.
Teach them to meow and groom the other children with their tongue.
Encourage floor skidding… Naked floor skidding…
Instead of tights use tattoo sleeves. Really complements a tutu…
Forget ballet buns… ballet backcombing is the way forward… the bigger the hair, the better.
And obviously gin-up the ballet sippy-cups. Boom.