They might be naked. But that doesn’t mean they can’t sneak a biro in… And just as you’ve relaxed… BOOM. Bic to the face. Again.
Yes. Your toothbrush is a bath toy. Deal with it. At least they’re not using it to clean the toilet rim. Again.
Water in the bath is a soapy, warm, splashy bowl of love… water from the shower-head is RAIN OF DEATH AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
They won’t eat your home-cooking, but they will happily down half a bottle of Tresemme followed by a Radox Muscle Soak chaser…
Don’t get too close to them with your face… it’s a trap. A soapy Octopal-to-the-eye related trap.
It’s like they can’t smell their own farts… Try not to taste the air or let your eyes water… it shows weakness…. And once they’ve seen you’re weak, they’ll follow through…
Yes, they can turn on the taps. And no, it’s never the shitting cold one. Distract them with the toothbrush and if necessary pull out the ‘big guns’ – i.e. the cotton buds box and a tampon.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, think you can have a quick wee. They WILL eat a cotton bud and scold Philip the Duck under the hot tap.
Never touch Philip the Duck. It’s too late for him now…
You were wrong. Wet hugs ARE the best.
Your bath-to-change-table window is 33 seconds. Push this and you are in serious ‘shart’ territory.
You can hide your gin in the squirty hippo*
*this is not exclusive to bath-time