WallyBubba – The Non-Conformer

WallyBubba is one feisty little lady.

Like a tiny, unpredictable creature dressed in Baby Gap with only half her teeth… She will do things her way, and her way ONLY. God forbid you attempt to control her – I’ve lost hair, teeth and ownership of my pelvic floor simply for trying so far…

At playgroups she’s a live wire; sometimes I feel like I’ve released a ferrel child back into civilisation and am party to watching the social experiment to reintroduce her…

When the toy box is opened and children from every corner of the room flock to choose a play item; WallyBubba takes advantage of the distraction, and begins raiding other mum’s change bags for snacks… It usually takes me a good 10/15 seconds to notice. Well, put down my gin.

As the musical instruments come out, she finds a discarded baby-wipe and begins cleaning a section of floor or another child’s head… She then eats it.

When it’s time to ‘see what’s in the bag…oooh’, WallyBubba takes to head butting the door in the corner to see how long it takes her to knock herself out. Too long usually…

Let’s all head under the parachute… WallyBubba will be heading over the parachute and taking a stash of other children’s shoes with her…

Time for dancing – NO, it’s time for spinning round as fast as she can taking out as many unsuspecting toddlers on her way as possible… then throwing up. Then going back on the change-bag-rob.

Time for peekaboo? No it’s shitting well not. She’s just noticed another mum’s iPhone and is determined to climb up her leg, whilst still clutching a plethora of unclaimed footwear, screaming ‘MINE MINE MINE MINE’. I don’t even know where she learnt that? I eventually unprize her… there’s only so long I pretend she doesn’t belong to me…

Everyone follow the leader. I’m afraid WallyBubba won’t be participating in any more organised fun because she is currently trying to stare out a newborn, following which she has plans to remove the fire extinguisher from the wall and lick the hose until home time.

Time to politely make excuses and leave…

I bet you five hobnobs you
blink before I do…
On another change-bag and/or shoes mission…

I’m just spinning… if you happen to
cross my path, f*@k you.
Shit. She’s seen the iPhone.
The innocent gaze of a stone cold

Glad I ginned up the sippy cups for the journey home…


  1. Tas D March 24, 2013
    • Wally Mummy March 24, 2013
  2. MumReinvented March 24, 2013
    • Wally Mummy March 24, 2013
  3. SarahMummy March 24, 2013
    • Wally Mummy March 24, 2013
  4. Emma x March 25, 2013
  5. The Crumby Mummy March 25, 2013
  6. Anonymous March 25, 2013
    • Wally Mummy March 26, 2013
  7. ellywelly28 March 27, 2013
    • Wally Mummy March 27, 2013

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