Why my toddler is like Chuck Norris…

I wrote this for my husband. To make him shut the f@*k up.

It was this or sew his arsehole into a vagina and make him pass a fisher price teapot in order that he might have some idea what childbirth is like…

But this took less effort…

So…

Here it is…

10 reasons WallyBubba is like Chuck Norris:

She doesn’t eat fruit by peeling it. She punches it into a pulp until it releases its juicy goodness.
Every time she smiles a fairy dies. When she laughs – whole species become extinct.
She can bite through steel. And bone. And wombs. 
She could take on an 8ft Pegga Pig and win. Or a bear. Or a unicorn. With one punch.
When she wants something she just takes it. By the face. Or eye. Or whatever induces the most pain.
She eats kittens. Alive. With a plastic Hello Kitty spoon. (you can see the irony)
She hides nun-chucks in her hair when she goes to bed. And a ninja star in Iggle-Piggle’s blanket. 
Her toenails are made from adamantium. Any time she wants to, she can just wolverine the shit out her Clarks First Steps. She just ‘decides’ not to. 
Calpol only makes her stronger. 
She can ruin your vagina just by looking at you. 

#thisiswhyyoushouldn’tpostwhilstdrunk
#myvaginaisalreadyruined
#justgonnahaveanothergin
#ginforvaginas 

18 Comments

  1. Mum in a Hurry February 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013
  2. Shay February 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013
  3. Amanda February 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013
  4. Liese Betts February 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013
  5. HayleyInWonderland February 1, 2013
    • Wally Mummy February 1, 2013
  6. SarahMummy February 2, 2013
  7. Laura @ Chez Mummy February 2, 2013
  8. Leyla Brooke February 2, 2013
  9. Jess Paterson January 12, 2014
    • Wally Mummy January 12, 2014

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