The Walker

It’s happened…

The day we’ve all been waiting for…

The WallyBubba has become upright…

That’s right…

IT WALKS…

Slowly…

For long, slow periods…

Until she gathers up any kind of speed…

This. Is. Bliss. (comparatively)

Here’s a quick top ten tips for all the mummies of new walkers out there:

Race them across the living room. You’ll win every time. And it’s nice to remember what that feels like. 
Mess with their tiny minds by stapling all their toys to the floor.
Remember when you used to use your coffee table? Well, it’s nice to reminisce isn’t it. 
The bumbo’s only use is now as a hat. Any attempt to restrain a toddler is likely to end in the loss of an eye. Or a cat.
Play music sporadically so you can watch them fall over as they try to dance.
Don’t let the staff in the Clark’s shop brainwash you with talk of cruising and walking shoes. At £35 a go, they can go barefoot and shitting well like it. 
Make your own toddler-reigns from empty gin tins. And pasta. And Upsy-Daisy’s hair. 
Every so often, just push them over. It’s good for them to learn how to fall. And feel intense disappointment and a massive sense of underachievement. They’ll have children one day too…. 
When you feel sad, remember the next step is potty-training… and then it’s just sadness and tears over wasted dreams as you clean up turd biscuits and break your back attempting to hold the hand of a one year old everywhere you go… 
When it goes quiet… shit yourself. 

#loadsmoremummytime
#timeforgin
#mummygintime

“Don’t touch me, I can do it my f@*king self.”

10 Comments

  1. brinabird December 30, 2012
    • Wally Mummy December 30, 2012
  2. The Organised Penguin December 30, 2012
    • Wally Mummy December 30, 2012
  3. Leyla Brooke December 30, 2012
  4. missusjen December 31, 2012
    • Wally Mummy December 31, 2012
  5. Mum in a Hurry December 31, 2012
    • Wally Mummy December 31, 2012

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