Happy Birthday to ME

Tomorrow is my birthday and unfortunately it’s a big one (29 plus 1) and as someone who’s not good with birthdays on a standard year, this one is going to be a toughy.

So, just to limit any confusion I’ve decided to outline the things I expect from this birthday:

  1. For the first time in nearly seven months, I would like to wake up after the sun does.
  2. I would like to have a bath, not a shower, but a long languishing soak in the tub from which I will emerge when I bloody well feel like it. Without conditioner stuck in my ear and razor burn under my armpits.
  3. I would like to wear underwear without nursing clips and reacquaint myself with my hairbrush.
  4. I want to have a conversation in the morning that isn’t about who Wendy the Wide-Mouthed Frog spoke to next in the jungle and talk using my normal adult voice for an entire day.
  5. I would like to eat with BOTH hands.
  6. Just for once I want to enter my living room in the morning and not feel like I’ve been slapped in the face by the entire Fisher Price aisle in Toys’R’Us. 24 hours in a neon-plastic-free zone is not that much to ask. Clearly, the jumperoo will have to be dismantled throughout the night by a team of trained professionals.
  7. No nursery rhymes, no farmyard noises and no In The F-ing Night Garden. Iggle Piggle can suck it.
  8. I will happily put the pureed sweet potato into the baby, but I’m making it someone else’s responsibility when it comes out the other end.
  9. I will be drinking at lunchtime. Sorry, FROM lunchtime. In abundance.
  10. I need everyone to tell me I look young.
  11. I need to everyone to tell me I look thin.
  12. I need a lot of cards in which people tell me how young and thin I look.
  13. I need gifts that help me get drunk, thin and younger – the first person who presents me with a Mothercare babygrow and some nipple cream will be asked to take care of the sweet potato nappy and will then be punched in the eye.

#thatisall
#happybloodybirthdaytome

6 Comments

  1. MamaDragon July 3, 2012
    • WallyMummy July 3, 2012
  2. lily July 4, 2012
    • WallyMummy July 4, 2012
  3. Faye July 4, 2015

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