The first rule of MNI is you don’t talk about MNI.
The second rule of MNI is forget everything you thought you ever knew about MNI. The truth is far worse.
Rule 3 – no baby talk allowed. Punishable by tequila to the eye.
Rule 4 – no change bags.
Rule 5 – no tears before 10pm.
Rule 6 – wine has a two bottle minimum rule. Do not turn up one-wine-handed: punishable by absinthe shot. Through the nose.
Rule 7 – no weapons.
Rule 8 – no matter what you asked to bring, always bring gin and cake. You will be more appreciative of that later on in the evening than a green salad.
Rule 9 – no comfy clothes or shoes.*
*the testimony of a true MNI is that it will turn into a night ‘out’ at some point. So really the correct name is a MNI-O. Hence it is important the MNI-OMs (Mums’ Night In-Out Mums) dress in appropriate attire for any situation.
Rule 10 and Final Rule – what happens on a MNI-O stays on a MNI-O.
The baby and/or husband of the mum hosting has very little chance of sleeping during the latter stages of a MNI. If you are hosting – consider asking mums in attendance to prepare new laughs for the occasion. A light giggle or gentle chortle is far more socially acceptable than the drunken gaggle of witch-like cackles you will more than likely end up with.
During summer host MNIs in the garden and contain the MNIMs in a large pen or with temporary fencing.
Do not attempt to wake a sleeping MNIM. This may be the first time she’s slept in several months. Simply lift her into the taxi at the end of the night with the others and she should come round before the end of the journey.
Remember when/if you do make it to the ‘out’ section of the evening that you will more than likely end up in a dancing venue. Dancing is unlikely to have been performed for many months and you could be a danger both to yourself and others. If during the first attempt you are escorted from the premises it’s best to just go quietly.