Happy Bastard Friday
to all the child-free folk.
Enjoy your sodding after-work beers
and please try not to choke.
Don’t think about us mummies
whose curfew starts at five.
When screaming, whining, puking starts
and social life takes a nose dive.
Don’t worry about the poo in our hair
as you sip Pimms in the sun.
Cos standing-up rocking small people for hours
is our idea of fun.
Who cares about dining al fresco
when your dinner comes from a tin.
And once the baby is finally asleep
the next course is a stiff gin.
So Happy Bastard Friday
to all you childless gits.
Remember one day, you’ll have a child of your own
and you’ll finally know what f’#*ked is.